I've been feeling extremely depressed lately.
Like how all my friends are leaving me. My past is just the past and I have no one left to really lean on. I feel so left behind. I don't even know what I'm doing with my career path. I hate that I can't really do anything about it either.
I just don't like anything about myself. And I've had several thoughts about hurting myself. Maybe even killing myself. But I'd always chicken out.
Today I tried something new. Something I'd never do because I'm afraid of pain. But I did it. And it's any itchy feeling but I don't hate it. It stings slightly but it makes me feel good. I did it really light. You don't have to do it deep. But it feels like I released some emotions this way...
I attempted it a few times before but chickened out because I'm afraid of getting hurt. But it's not the kind of pain you'd expect. Nor does it take much effort. As long as you have the right tool.
I think I've found a new way to express myself...
I don't want to live. It's all just going by in a blur and I don't think I can keep up...
I've never expressed my sad emotions to my parents. Especially anything related to this because I know they'll be disappointed and I'm the eldest child so I just can't afford to disappoint them. I need help but no one is here...
I don't know anymore....
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